"Lullaby" - James (1993)

I think I've forgotten how to cry.

That's all I've wanted to do for several days now, and not a single tear has seeped out of my face. I feel like I did when I was on seven psych meds, instead of the one I've gotten myself down to. No emotional response to anything. I don't even feel numb. I don't feel anything at all.

I feel nothing, I feel nothing at all

I feel nothing at all.

I looked in the mirror tonight and legitimately did not recognize my own face. Not in a gender dysphoria way, so much as an I feel like I'm losing my mind way. I was looking at a complete stranger for over a minute. So, I guess that's a feeling, yes?

I'm worried for my sanity right now. Things have been so good for the past year. Suddenly I feel like all of that progress is lost.

I've had my moments of feeling less sane, sure. They have almost exclusively come while I've been drinking. Tonight I am completely sober, and things are worse than they've been in a long time.

I'll get through this. I will continue to fight and be strong and I will keep it together.

I have to...

I have to.